The empty chair at holiday gatherings has often symbolized the loss of a cherished family member greatly missed but very much present in the hearts of loved ones. More recently, however, there’s a trend not of keeping alive the memory of a deceased family member, but of erasing the memory of a family member who is very much alive.
Hurtful words spoken in haste, tempers flaring over differing opinions, conflicts in political values – the reasons families experience brokenness are almost as numerous as there are families. Every situation is different.
But as believers, God calls us to respond to those heated exchanges or polarizing differences in ways that honor Him and exhibit a genuine interest in restoring peace among family members. Fortunately, He doesn’t leave us alone to accomplish a task that can honestly be very challenging. He provides the wisdom of His Word and the power of His Holy Spirit. With His equipping, we can discern how to best forgive hurts, make amends, and pursue reconciliation.
The ideal starting point in resolving family estrangement calls for all parties to value the relationship above the issue. 2 Corinthians 5:18 reminds us we’ve been reconciled to Christ and because of that, we’ve been given the ministry of reconciliation. We’re to be the bearers of the olive branch. Romans 5:10 says that we were reconciled to God by the death of His Son while we were still His enemies. God pursued peace. So should we.
Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Putting that verse into practice can be near-impossible in our human strength, but the Spirit will supply us if we’re willing to do the work. Kindness and humility go a long way in reestablishing peace.
We must be discerning in who we listen to. Secular counsel can be quick to encourage “cutting off” anyone who “disrupts our peace.” God would tell us otherwise. Our peace isn’t found in a relationship. It’s found in Jesus. Relationships are hard work, especially when a rift occurs, and God doesn’t advise us to avoid the work. He wants us to take it on, applying biblical wisdom and engaging in fervent prayer.
Avoiding or ignoring conflict doesn’t heal the wound. It allows the infection to fester. God wants to walk us through the suffering in our hearts to help us become more like His Son. Romans 5:3-5 says, “…We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us.” We have God’s love poured into our hearts. That love and the Holy Spirit’s power can transform and heal if we’re willing to put in the effort.
All of this is not to say that there aren’t situations where wisdom dictates very strong boundaries – boundaries that the other party may not accept or appreciate. But the practice of “cutting off” family members with no good will, good faith efforts to restore relationship shouldn’t be the go-to response for the Christ follower.
We may confess stubbornness or pride, offer sincere apologies, extend forgiveness and grace, and step up to do the hard work – and have the door to reconciliation slammed in our face. When the olive branch is trampled underfoot, a dear friend suggests an excellent next step: “Constant prayer day and night always turning over our situation to God and trust that He’ll bring about forgiveness, reconciliation, and peace. I know God’s timing is not my timing. I must be patient and cannot lean on my own understanding.” She fully subscribes to Proverbs 3:5-6: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.”
We can’t control the response of others to our efforts to reconcile a broken relationship, but we can continue to love them, pray for them, and entrust the future to the God Who loves us both. Too many broken relationships have left too much collateral damage – the broken hearts of children, grandchildren, siblings, parents, and grandparents. The work of reconciliation is hard, but the healing is worth the work. Let’s roll up our sleeves and get busy, friends.
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Father, You know the heartache of broken relationships. We, the very sheep of Your pasture, are prone to willingly walk away and defy Your great love for us. But all praise to You – You initiate pursuit of reconciliation with us! Thank You for the still, small voice of Your Holy Spirit Who helps us to see our part in conflict. Thank You for His counsel in guiding us in restoration of fellowship. Thank You for His power to bring about healing. And thank You for His peace and comfort in the times when all efforts at resolution fail. We praise You, the God Who did the hard work of reconciliation with us through Jesus’ sacrificial offering on the cross. Your example shows us that the hard work is worth it. You are the ultimate Healer of broken hearts and broken relationships. Hallelujah! We have peace with our God! Thank You, Jesus! Amen. (Psalm 119:176, John 16:8, Ephesians 4:32, James 5:16, Matthew 5:4, 2 Corinthians 5:17-21, Psalm 147:3)
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Thank you for joining in this week’s Scripture memory challenge as we commit to our hearts and minds Psalm 100. This week, we’re adding verse 3 to last week’s passage of Psalm 100:1-2.
“Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth! Serve the Lord with gladness! Come into His presence with singing! Know that the Lord, He is God! It is He Who made us, and we are His; We are His people, and the sheep of His pasture.” - Psalm 100:1-3 (ESV)
