Giving Our Desires to Him

Special Gratitude Edition

Guest Post by Tori Hadlich

Boy, oh boy…the fact that we’re here is a GINORMOUS answered prayer…

When Gui and I first got married, I said, “Of course I want to be a mom someday,” but as my mental and physical health kept suffering, the idea of being a mom became more and more terrifying. I felt that I was not capable and never could be. I mean, how can you raise up a child if you can barely take care of yourself? Over the years, the fear only grew. So many of our family and friends were taking steps into this next phase of life, but I couldn’t wrap my mind around “having the energy,” “having the time,” “sacrificing my freedom/comfort,” the list goes on…I kept hearing Satan’s lie that “I would not be doing my future child(ren) or my husband any good if I brought a baby into the world while knowing I struggle with depression/anxiety/fatigue/back pain/low stress resilience.” Clearly, I was relying on my own strength and not the Lord’s.

Well, of course, time keeps moving whether you want it to or not, and our “timeline” was closing in on us. I kept telling Gui, “I desire to desire to be a mom.” I knew that the Lord had called us both to parenthood and that His desire was for us to be a vessel to bring another one of His children into the world, but I had no idea how I could possibly get my mind/body there. I started doing the only thing that I could think of and began praying daily – asking God to change my heart and the desires of my heart to match His and Gui’s.

If you’ve known me on my journey over the last several years, you know that I never thought I’d get here…BUT our story is proof that the Lord truly answers prayers! On the days that I feel scared, I am reminded that I am not in control, but my Heavenly Father is. We are the vessels for God’s children that He created perfectly and intentionally – and I am oh, so joyful that I am the one that He chose to carry this precious little boy and to bring another light into this world!